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Life Kit: Keeping holiday traditions — and starting new ones

SCOTT DETROW, HOST:

Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away, and for many Americans, that means the start of a pretty intense holiday period full of family gatherings and year-end traditions. But what if you're not too into those old family traditions anymore? Life Kit's Marielle Segarra has some tips for how to make your own traditions.

MARIELLE SEGARRA, BYLINE: A lot of the time, when our traditions don't work anymore, it's because we don't see the meaning behind them or that meaning doesn't resonate with us.

ANDREA BONIOR: So for instance, maybe I wanted a new tradition because the other ones felt empty or they felt too consumerist, and everybody was spending, you know, hundreds of dollars on these holiday gifts, and they just get forgotten about after a couple of months.

SEGARRA: That's Andrea Bonior. She's a psychologist with a podcast called "Baggage Check: Mental Health Talk And Advice." So a good place to start when you're dreaming up new traditions is to ask yourself, what do you want them to mean? Like, what will this holiday or event be about?

BONIOR: Is it about giving back to others?

SEGARRA: If so, you could volunteer at a food bank with your family every few months.

BONIOR: Is it about gratitude?

SEGARRA: Why not go around the table at dinner and say what you're grateful for?

BONIOR: Is it about finding the light in the darkness?

SEGARRA: Then you could go on a hike with your family or friends on the day of the winter solstice. Or let's say your family really values laughter and play. You could start a monthly game night, and every new participant has to have their photo taken wearing a leopard-print Snuggie.

BONIOR: And now we have this connection. And it's silly to outsiders, but it brings us a sense of togetherness and comfort.

SEGARRA: Something else to consider as you create traditions is what's missing in your life, or even what was missing when you grew up. Ehime Ora is a spiritual educator based in New York.

EHIME ORA: When you look at your childhood, what felt the most empty for you? What felt like you couldn't have that or it didn't feel enough? And that is really, like, the hint of creating these newer, better traditions for yourself.

SEGARRA: Let's say you felt lonely, like your family wasn't part of a community, or you never really gathered with folks to celebrate. As an adult, you might decide to join a weekly class. That's a tradition too.

ORA: I'm currently doing pottery, ceramics, and I connect with the people who are also in this class with me. We laugh about, you know, how our clay cups, pots or whatever are looking messed up.

SEGARRA: Maybe you take it even further and host a monthly potluck with your pottery friends, or you gather folks for a party on Pi Day - that's March 14; it's a math joke - and everybody brings a pie. Your traditions don't have to be tied to the big holidays. Now, when the day of your new tradition arrives, be ready for the emotions that might come up. I mean, yeah, it might feel thrilling and fun and freeing. But also, if your new tradition is a replacement for a longstanding one...

ORA: It's common to have those bouts of loneliness, those bouts of doubt, regret or even these bouts of unworthiness as well.

SEGARRA: Like who am I now without the old traditions? It's a kind of grief. So be kind to yourself. And Andrea Bonior says don't put too much pressure on this new event. It doesn't have to be this magical thing.

BONIOR: We really need to observe ourselves. What have I internalized about how perfect this is supposed to be? Because I might have such rigid expectations that I'm making myself miserable.

SEGARRA: Remember, this is supposed to be fun. And if it's not, you're allowed to stop doing it.

For NPR News, I'm Marielle Segarra.

DETROW: For more on making your own traditions, check out Life Kit at npr.org/lifekit.

(SOUNDBITE OF JONNY GREENWOOD'S "FOR THE HUNGRY BOY") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by an NPR contractor. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.

Marielle Segarra
Marielle Segarra is a reporter and the host of NPR's Life Kit, the award-winning podcast and radio show that shares trustworthy, nonjudgmental tips that help listeners navigate their lives.